From the miscellaneous drawer - The love affair

by Anne Swenson

I’ve been involved in a love affair for some time. While I claim to want some free time alone and away, truly I delight in the companionship.<BR><BR>When I fall asleep I’m thinking about this love and my dreams reflect that. I awake eager to start a new day sharing my love.<BR><BR>For I’m not selfish. I share this love and see the pleasure spread. There’s interest and some mutual devotion there.<BR><BR>I did flirt. I tried out what wiles I had and hoped for the best. Amazingly, there was some response, some encouragement, some kind smiles. Occasionally there were kind words and I began to feel, if not loved, at least cherished in some small way. <BR><BR>With a personality like mine - both shy and abrasive - I was afraid to trust my emotions, to let my affection show through.<BR><BR>Still, it’s a rare day when my committment is doubted. The steady joy is too great for any but the most fleeting doubt. <BR><BR>Sometimes my family is jealous. Luckily some of them are involved though it’s risky to have this much of my love showing. Too much closeness can breed contempt, I’m told. <BR><BR>But it’s a small town. Everyone would know anyway.<BR><BR>Normally I’m not much of a touchy-feely person. Those Norwegian forebearers were a reserved lot and speaking out like this would probably shock them. I remember my dad, sitting in his chair by the window, watching the world in retirement. He didn’t speak a lot either.<BR><BR>I know I’m lucky. Some people search their whole lives and have to settle for second best. They give up and accept what fate has brought them, grit their teeth and hold on for the rest of their life.<BR><BR>That’s what, at one time, I thought I would have to do. There was just no good fit to life and I felt like a misfit. What I wanted from life just wasn’t happening to me and I floundered. I wondered if I would eventually become homeless and indigent.<BR><BR>Perhaps I became good at leading you on. Sometimes diverting your attention, sometimes almost begging for it.<BR><BR>Alas, that’s the way it is with true love.<BR><BR>You could say I have neglected my family. While some parents and grandparents try to take part in every aspect of their descendents’ lives, those distractions haven’t diverted me. It’s a different kind of love, you see, that I have for them. They are safe in my heart always.<BR><BR>But now I’ll confess to what you may have suspected. My absorbing love is my work with the newspaper. And this makes me feel like one of the luckiest persons in the world.<BR><BR>What brought me to thinking about this true confession was thinking about you, the reader. Being a subscriber to a publication is akin to being a member of a club. You become invested in it and its presentation and focus. You have opinions about it. <BR><BR>So we share an interest, if not a love, for this newspaper. Many of you email me and I appreciate the input. Your two cents are always welcome at: thepub@elyecho.com.<BR><BR>