Holiday Greetings to you and yours!

by Dorothy Rosby

Dear friends, I hope you’ve had a wonderful 2018. We’ve had much to be thankful for this year: no cavities, no car troubles, no overdraft notices. Plus we only had five trick-or-treaters on Halloween, so we still have plenty of goodies left for Christmas.
Not really.
It’s been a year of milestones for me. For one thing, my husband and I celebrated our 30th anniversary in October. I’m not sure what he would say the secret to our long marriage is, but one of my tricks is hiding the newspaper when I write about him in a column.
We celebrated the big event with an Alaskan cruise. We had a glorious time and I hope we don’t have to be married for another 30 years before we get to go on another vacation like that one. I will say, a cruise ship is more luxury than we’re used to. It’s a rare thing for me to eat in a place where you have to “dress for dinner,” though I do always have something on.
Our steward left chocolate on our pillows every evening too. You don’t see that everywhere. But it’s not as special as you’d think. It’s only one little piece—actually two, one for each of us, but my husband doesn’t know that. And why on the pillow? By the time I found it, I’d already brushed my teeth.
Speaking of teeth, I got my braces off in July. What a relief! I hadn’t eaten a sunflower seed or a piece of beef jerky in 16 months and I’d practically given up talking. Well, maybe not that.
I was worried I’d be the only person in reunion history to wear braces to my 40th class reunion, but I got them off just in time. I hadn’t really planned on going to any more class reunions until I had something to show for myself. And if you’re thinking I still don’t, you’ve never paid for braces.
We finally got rid of our landline this year and being a cellphone-only family has been more of an adjustment than I’d expected. I used to think that the only thing our landline was good for was getting calls from people we refused to give our cellphone numbers to. Then we got rid of it. And now I know what my old-fashioned phone was really good for: Helping me find my cellphone.
And old habits are hard to break. One of our old phones used to hang on our kitchen wall, and I still find myself coming home every day and going straight to that empty spot on the wall to see if there are any messages. There never are.
We’re still trying to figure out what to do about the unattractive wall mount and telephone jack. Let me know if you have any ideas. I’m thinking about covering it with a message board.
For the sake of truth in journalism, I decided it was time to have the photo that accompanies my column updated. You’re looking at it right now, aren’t you? And you’re thinking I haven’t aged a bit. Why, thank you! That’s sweet. But that’s still the old picture. I’ll send the new one as soon as the photographer has edited it sufficiently to make me look like I haven’t aged a bit.
That’s all my news for this year. Wishing you and yours the best for 2019. Stop by and visit anytime. You can help me find my cellphone.
(Dorothy Rosby is the author of the humor book, I Didn’t Know You Could Make Birthday Cake from Scratch: Parenting Blunders from Cradle to Empty Nest. Contact drosby@rushmore.com.)