Letter from the hunting shack

Well, the first weekend of deer season has passed us by and the score is: Deer 1, Clarence 0. I did see a few deer, but they were all small does. The weather didn’t cooperate very much either. The winds that we had on Sunday and Tuesday were downright rude, but my new tree stand withstood the test. I wish, like everyone else, that we had some snow on the ground, but I guess it wasn’t meant to be. Our crew didn’t get skunked however, as cousin Jeff bagged a nice eight pointer on Saturday morning. The rest of the crew got to see some deer but no shots were taken. One of the hot topics of conversation at our evening round table was the lack of fresh sign around the woods. It seems that the deer were few and far between and hopefully things will change for the better the second week. Overall, I think it’s safe to assume that a good time was had by everyone and there was certainly plenty to eat. One of the more interesting experiences that comes from walking through the woods is a certain form of plant. I’m from Georgia and we don’t have this type of vegetation that I’m aware of. This plant looks like a little tree, in fact there must be millions of the little buggers just waiting to become full grown trees. We have a cute name for this brush, but I can’t tell you what it is, or this publication would certainly lose its G rating. I can tell you that this name is more than appropriate. This stuff is pure evil. It grabs at every thing on your body, especially your feet. How many times has it grabbed your boot and sent you flying? Ever had your hat knocked off by this stuff? I would almost swear this stuff wants to steal my rifle from me, because it grabs hold and won’t let go. And at least 50 times a day I get slapped in the face really hard by the stuff, causing me to yell out its cute little name, which I can’t tell you, but if you are within earshot of me, you will most certainly hear it. I saw a doe and a fawn on Monday that scared the heck out of me. If you’ve ever had deer run right at you at full speed when you’re not expecting it, it will get your heart racing. I remember a similar situation back in 2000 with a spiker that made my acquaintance on opening morning. I had just heard shots fired at 9 a.m. and I thought it was one of my partners shooting, so I was making ready to go and help with the deer. The whole time I’m getting my stuff ready, I was talking out loud about how the luck of some people was unbelievable and why don’t the deer ever consider walking past my stand. All of a sudden I heard another squirrel rustling around and when I turned to yell at him, to my surprise a deer was right below me. I think I even said out loud, hey it’s a deer and he’s got horns. Knowing I only had one shot to pull off a surprise, I stood up, wheeled and shot all in one motion. Man, I missed so bad it wasn’t even funny. Then something very funny indeed happened. The deer, who was probably stunned from the noise that came from six feet above him, did the most remarkable thing. Instead of hitting the afterburners and becoming a brown and white memory, he ran up the little knob of a hill I was sitting on and turned toward me at full speed. My brain, which usually operates at the same speed as turtles in a hurry, suddenly started racing. What will I tell the guys? How can you explain getting run over and tackled by a deer?Worse yet, what would the media have to say. Can you see it? Sir, what did the attacker look like? What kind of clothing was he wearing? Are you planning to hire Johnnie Cochran and file suit against your attacker? Anyway, at the last possible second, I remembered that I was armed and put the matter to rest. Of course, no one at the shack believed my story and rightfully so. It wasn’t until the next day that one of my partners was at that stand and saw the evidence for himself. Who would have thought that a weapon that is designed to shoot accurately at a distance of several hundred yards, was just as effective at a distance of less than 10 feet. Here’s another recipe for cooking your backstraps that I’ve tried and I must admit it’s pretty tasty.Coat your straps with a little olive oil. Then pour honey all over the meat. Sprinkle liberally with Montreal Style Steak Seasoning. Cook at 325 degrees until internal temperature reaches 150 degrees, about 90 minutes. Serve this with fried cabbage and you’ll surely be a popular person the next morning. Take care, be safe and good hunting.