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Loss…
I put a lot of thought into the columns I write, and they come from a place inside me that until a few years ago, I had no idea existed. Today I choose to write about loss. This subject has been heavy on my heart and mind in recent days.
As humans, we all experience loss at some time or another. Loss is unending. We lose loved ones, relationships, money, friends, hope, jobs, elections, pets, homes, games, wars, marriages, faith, and so much more.
Distance separates people and friendships are lost. We can lose ourselves or our identity of knowing who we are. Death of loved ones – especially the death of a child can have a lifelong profound effect on parents, grandparents, and siblings. I hope to never experience the death of one of my boys, grandchildren, or in-laws.
The word loss has a different meaning when you lose a person who was so close to you. You loved each other in a unique and irreplaceable way. When they vanish, they take the relationship and part of you with them. Peace to all who have gone through this gut-wrenching trauma.
As we age, many lose excitement, the will to live, desire, memory, sex drive, and body and/ or mind control.
Circumstances can change on a dime and out the window goes determination, concentration, or confidence. Some of those are not easily reattained. To see this in real life, watch a baseball game and see a player strike out by not keeping their eye on the ball and keep concentration. Once that happens, determination and confidence can be racked to the core of the player.
Determination is a mindset that helps us get over hurdles that would otherwise ground us. Watch a two-year-old get his/ her eye on a toy or want to climb playground equipment. If they are around older children, they want to be doing what they are doing. Determination for success is alive and well there.
Some losses are temporary – some are permanent. Some loss is by choice and some not. Losing loved ones to death is inevitable, except for young people.
Retail companies practice loss prevention to preserve profit. Wouldn’t that be something if we could hire on some sort of loss prevention for our lives? Maybe with the use of AI (artificial intelligence), someone will figure that one out.
One of my recent columns was on Hope, which if charged a fee every time I have tapped it, I would be in that poor house my father always threatened we would be moving into. Hope is the hammer to pull out from the toolbox when loss hits.
To lose faith or watch others lose faith is difficult. Losing faith in oneself is terrible, but worse when you do not have faith in God to lean upon.
Loss of equality has been a hot topic between races and genders for as long as I can remember and will continue long after I am gone. Agreeing to disagree does not cut the argument out either as somehow equality always grabs its place in the media and gets fed the fuel to combust the topic wide open repeatedly. I am not taking sides on the issue of equality – I am merely pointing out there are arguments in the equality realm.
Loss of equilibrium can be categorized into a physical condition or an emotional one when you are “sent reeling” when you are affected by something. Bodies can be under attack both physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Back in the day, if you were acting peculiarly, you may have been asked if you have taken leave of or lost your senses. As with pantyhose and hot pants, this is not a question that would be asked in today’s world. Loss of resources is a frequent topic whether the discussion is about natural resources or funding resources at local, state, or federal levels. Aging or accidents can cause the loss of faculties. Faculties are powers of the mind including will, aptitude, reason, or instinct.
Loss of people in circumstances other than death arise. Separation in families is especially sad when there are children involved. Family infighting and years go by without speaking or any contact makes for many regrets later down the road.
Loss of income or a job can cause detriment at levels that can affect all aspects of one’s life. You can also lose inconsequential items that may or may not be life altering.
Losing your way in life can be treacherous, but recoverable if steered back onto a good path.
Loss of trust in relationships can be game changers or have game-over consequences.
We can lose interest in activities, people, or situations. We may have mastered some of those interests and want to move onto the next. Relationships can be fickle and outgrowing people happens.
Many experience financial loss at some point in life. We make stupid investments or purchases during our lifetime. Once a lesson is learned, we tend to make better choices and hopefully not repeat and hurt our financial situation again.
When loss happens, opportunity comes knocking. We have all heard stories about rags to riches. Empires have been built by people who have/had lost everything they had but continued to fight back until they hit success. Perseverance for some is the catalyst to continue to create and strive for success. Loss can be an inspiration and loss also inspires creativity. If something did not work – try, try again!
Loss of stable situations happen every day. Life throws curveballs at us constantly. We may be okay one day and not the next depending on changes or loss of things. In a way, we are kept on the edge of our seats or waiting for the other shoe to drop. I do not mean to be afraid of life, but there are a lot of moving parts around us and sometimes we are subjected to things we do not choose.
Those moments of loss can be life altering, but not always in a negative way. Complacency is like an old pair of shoes. Loss hands us a new pair that must be worn in. Loss can be a starting gate or springboard depending on attitude or disposition.
Life happens. Loss happens. In many cases, we get to decide where to go next after we deal with a loss. Well now…. Doesn’t that just open a freeway of choices? Like when you are handed lemons you can choose to eat the sour fruit, make lemonade, throw out the lemons, or create an extravagant lemon soufflé.
When you are in a loss situation that is out of your control, handing it to God may be the only choice you have to keep your sanity. If you have never done this, it is highly recommended and relied upon by many.
Change and loss are out of our control many times throughout our lives. How we process and deal with them are personal choices based on experience and a grand arsenal of responses we have or need to obtain.
When we think we have nowhere to go, we are wrong. Choices are there but many times we refuse to see them as they may take us down unknown alleys and valleys. What we do not realize is therein lies the unexpected place of recovery and learning.
Since it is unknown what we might discover, there lies the magic in life. We do have untapped powers hiding where we never would have looked had we not had to. The choices that come before us may not be what we want, but here is where we experience, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.”
These are the raw moments of life that take our breath and our confidence away but help us build a backbone and uncover resilience tools we never knew we possessed. Am I an expert in this field? Heavens, no! However, I have years behind me and plenty of losses shoved in a backpack that I carry with me. I never open the backpack, as that would encourage living in the past, but I do use it as a pillow when needed. That darn backpack holds so much experience, and I use that to support decisions based on mistakes, foibles, missteps, and wrongdoings.
When loss comes calling, I have tools – not hammers and such, but invisible ones that give me the comeuppance to adjust my sails and cast my fate to the wind.
It is no doubt that loss knocks us out of our comfort zone and puts new circumstances in our life. It is up to us individually to make the choice to fail or to succeed. We get to decide if we have been castigated, punished or is this a turning point in our life where we embrace an opportunity to do things that we dreamed of but never occurred would be obtainable. The choice is there.
There are things in life we know, and we know we know them. There are other things in life that we know we don’t know. Looking upon situations that are triggered by losing something or someone opens that large door Number Three that holds all the stuff we do not know, and we didn’t know we didn’t know it.
So, here is a weird salute to loss and all it encompasses – painful or otherwise. We are, at times, forever changed by losses. Perhaps, if we change our reactions and thoughts to consider acceptance or view a loss as an opportunity, it could change your life.
If you are a believer in God, consider that things happen for a reason and the delivery method may be to to change us and our lives. Some people may be accusatory, and events can be misconstrued
as God is mean or hateful towards us. However, I believe He puts us where we are supposed to be.
There have been books written about the art of losing. Never knew that was a thing, but I would assume if you were an athlete, that would be something helpful to read and master. On second thought, living with a positive attitude toward loss is a learned response and is truly an art.
We live into answers sometimes and we may not like where we get dropped, however, these things make us who we are and where we are being steered. Ignore them and stay where you are as it is your life – do as you please!
Moments of loss grab our attention and change us forever. Loss can force us to grow and go where we are meant to be. None of us want to be thrown into a den of ambiguity, but sometimes that is where we find ourselves.
I do not know it all except from personal experience, there are always choices in life even when we think we have none.
